Dear Toby,

I have absolutely no idea what deception you or that accursed wife of yours are talking about. And as to what that she can and cannot prove, I would take the words of a sex-crazed, lust-stricken, organ-seeking, vice-bound, groinful dame of 'yours'with a pinch of salt and a splash of soy sauce.

And in any case, it wasn't me.

Disdainfully,

G