प्रिय प्रोफ,

It is obscenely obvious that your academic institution is being run by an elect group of undead monkeys. It is also clear to see that you have joined the masses in replacing your already decomposing brain with a slightly over boiled cruciferous vegetable.

I would have you know that experimental theology has been pronounced a blighted discipline by orders of the grand cleric of the house of xenu, best friend of hiS faithful servant nIck.

With orders to cease and desist,
I leave you with a hug and a good wallop to the unmentionables,

Toby