Dear Toby,

You have now sunk to depths Hades itself will not accommodate, depths unimaginable by the most perverted mind in the underworld, depths so low as only to be described as very, very low.

How dare you? What gall you must have! And how green! With what nerve you must be endowed with! With what shamelessness you must be filled! Oh! What monstrous hideousness you have outraged me with! What dance you must have triumphed with! What a spectacle you must have made! Oh! How oft I wonder what dress you were wearing when you received the news. And with what shoes? With whom were you? With which language did you hear it? Must you be so insufferable?

Oh! I weep, as I endlessly due now, ravaged by hormones I knew not before.

This battle goes to you. I concede.

Yours,

The newly feminized Prof. G. Montgomary,

Gertrude.

P.S. Oh!