Dearest Toby,

Your lascivious letter has perplexed me. I am somewhat (40%) incensed that you have banished me from my manhood. However I am more than a little (55%) intrigued and, dare I say it, giggly by your gentle and gentlemanly words. And more over I am even modestly (a precise 25%) inclined to retort with lady-like words.

Lest you think my new bountiful form has addled with my arithmetical skill, I realize that the sum total is somewhat more than your standard 100%. Yet from my rough calculations and after prolonged consideration of the unquestionable and age old medical fact that emotions are housed 'in one's breast', my new and more anteriorly prominent physique can house 20% more emotion - 10% worth in each, lets say, appendage.

Yours blushingly,

Gertrude

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