My dearest Professor,

It is the phoney flight that is the deceit's height. However much I did not want it to end this way; you leave me no choice. I hereby condemn you to a lifetime of living with my wife. Your sentence will be served covered in a fine pineapple syrup. She will have the full authority to fulfil her sordid little heart's desires.

You will become morally alone, physically exhausted and mentally ill.

Your friend,

Toby

xxx